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TOPICS
1. Stimulating the Heart of a Mentoring Relationship
2. Are Mentors Hindering or Helping Children of Prisoners?
3. Mentoring Conferences, Events, and Announcements
4. What's New from the Mentoring Literature
STIMULATING THE HEART OF A MENTORING RELATIONSHIP
One of most frequent requests to the Ask a Mentor service concerns finding additional resources and activities to stimulate a mentoring relationship. One comment has been made, for example, that mentors and their partners were getting "bored" with doing the same things and meeting in the same place. I'm really not sure what "bored" means in this context. It could mean they've run out of ideas; it could mean they need challenge; it could mean they reached an impasse; it could mean they've lost inspiration; and it could mean that they are not dealing with real issues in their lives.
All too often mentoring programs are associated with "doing" and not with "being." Activity-centered mentoring is useful as it provides a way for mentors and partners to engage in common pursuits of interest, have fun, engage in new horizons, and even learn new skills. But the main purpose of these activities is really to build relationship, to enter into a spiritual quest where each person in the pair is learning to be the best they can be. Doing things together is valuable, but it's the experience of being together, sharing with another who cares about you, and gaining the joy and satisfaction of accomplishing something that are the heart of mentorship.
Helping young people learn how to "be" when they are "bored" is probably one of the major and frequent challenges for adult mentors. Doing different things might be a temporary solution, but it may just be avoiding learning a way of being that can last for a lifetime.
For adults in a mentoring relationship, learning how to slow-down, be with each other in contemplation and silent reflection, and appreciate the space of silence all maybe necessary to bring back spirit and soul to our workplace.
"Your legacy should be that you made it better than it was when you got it."
ARE MENTORS HINDERING OR HELPING CHILDREN OF PRISONERS?
The US Department of Health and Human Services issued a press release with the names of agencies that were successful in obtaining approximately $9 million to establish mentoring programs for the children of incarcerated parents.
What the press release didn't include was that the total prison population in the United States has reached an all-time high. More than two million people are now in state, federal, county and city jails in the US. The press release also failed to mention that there are also slightly more than two million children who have one or more parents in prison in the US.
While $9 million might seem like a worthy sum, it actually means that the US government has seen its way to spending $4.50 per prisoner to initiate mentoring for the children of prisoners. Of course, some prisoners do not have children, so the per prisoner amount may be slightly higher. And the agencies that received funding are located in only 22 states and prisoners in those states total approximately 50 per cent of the total prison population. Using those state's prison population figures enables the per prisoner calculation to jump to $9.00.
Of course, none of the 52 agencies that received funding could be expected to provide mentoring for all the children in the state with parents in prison. The per prisoner amount is probably much higher since the number of children served will likely be in a specific geographic region of each state.
Such unrealistic and under-funded programs can only hurt mentoring and create unrealistic expectations on the part of everyone involved. Working within families of incarcerated individuals is much more complex, difficult, and challenging than providing mentors to neighborhood children. I can not imagine how the funded agencies are going to recruit, screen, train, and supervise for, let alone maintain effective mentoring programs with such minimal funding.
Five agencies in California, which has the highest prison population in the US, received a total amount of slightly more than $1 million (about $6.80 per prisoner). Yet another state with only eight per cent of California's prison population received more than $500,000 ($24.45 per prisoner).
Of course, receiving funding relies on actually applying and proposing a budget to the funding source. But the funding figures reveal huge disparities between possible per prisoner spending. Illinois agencies (only one project funded), for example, received a total of what amounts to $2.00 per prisoner in their state. Yet Maine agencies that applied (only one project funded) received what amounts to $120.00 per prisoner for their state.
Agencies may have all submitted larger budgets then they actually received in the final grants. But having worked with prison populations, I worry about the integrity of mentoring organizations that are willing to have their project budgets slashed to the point where they cannot control for or provide the necessary quality for mentoring children of prisoners.
At the same time I know that grant-funding relied on agencies to apply, and almost all of the 52 organizations that received funding are volunteer-driven groups. The amount of paperwork required to be successful in obtaining funding is monumental and is a significant barrier to smaller, rural groups. Although there are no figures available as to those agencies that were not successful, fifty-two groups are not sufficient to adequately provide mentoring for the prison populations in their respective states.
There is one additional and possibly more controversial, but related point. In an article that appeared in Nation (September 11, 2003), the author, Chesa Boudin, who was a child when both parents were sentenced to long prison terms, argues that the mentoring initiative to connect mentors with children of incarcerated parents is misguided. He believes it misdirects attention from creating conditions and services that enable imprisoned parents to develop quality relationships with their children. In addition he points out that much of the No Child Left Behind program has failed to live up to its promise of funding.
Are the agencies that received the funding and are going ahead with their projects contributing to this misdirection. Will their efforts at providing mentors interfere with parenting? Are they "enabling" poor parenting rather than reducing it? The press release referred to in the first paragraph included as part of the rationale for the funding that: "Fewer than 50 percent of prisoners receive regular visits from their children." Shouldn't the priority for preventing the children of incarcerated parents from becoming incarcerated themselves (statistics reveal that such children are seven times more likely to wind up in jail) be to engage in strategies to support and improve child-parent relationships?
The press release minimizes this problem by stating that the mentors will "be encouraged to form a relationship with the whole family in order to ease the transition when the incarcerated parent is released." This seems like a totally unrealistic expectation for the role and responsibility of a mentor.
While the No Child Left Behind tugs at the emotional concern for children whose parents are in prison, it sidesteps the real issues of why are so many people in prison, how can imprisoned parents provide better parenting for their children, and how can mentoring agencies possibly be expected to do so much with so little. Has the solution of mentoring for so many of the relationship difficulties in our society, now become the problem?
"Just as there are no little people or unimportant lives, there is no insignificant work."
MENTORING CONFERENCES, EVENTS, AND ANNOUNCEMENTS
The International Mentoring Association has completely redesigned its website. The new and improved version has greatly increased the resources, documents, and information sources for both members and non-members. The new website address is: www.mentoring-association.org.
MENTOR's Online Community forum this month is titled: "Implementing the Elements of Effective Practice into your Mentoring Program." This interactive online session will be held October 27-31, 2003 and will be moderated by Dr. Susan Weinberger, President, Mentor Consulting Group; Lynda Downes, Managing Director, The Greater Philadelphia Mentoring Partnership at United Way of Southeastern Pennsylvania; Susan Patrick, President, The Connecticut Mentoring Partnership; Dr. Cynthia Sipe, Youth Development Research and Evaluation, and other experts. Topics will include: Introduction and Overview of the updated Elements of Effective Practice; Components of Program Planning and Design; Highlights of Best Practices in Program Management; Strategies to Ensure Smooth and Effective Program Operations; and Guidelines and Tools for Conducting Program Evaluations. To log on to this free online forum go to: www.mentoring.org/community.adp.
The Tutor/Mentor Conference sponsored by the Tutor/Mentor Connection will be held November 20-21, 2003 at Highsight in Chicago, Illinois. For more information call (312) 492-9614 or visit their site: www.tutormentorconnection.org/.
Scheduled for January 28-29, 2004 is the Governor's Conference on Service, Volunteerism and Mentoring to be held at the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel, Los Angeles, California. With the recent change in governors in the state of California, the status of this conference is unknown. Check the conference website for information (www.goserv.ca.gov/events/gcpublic.asp) as to whether Arnold will be a mentor to all the people or call 800 858-7743.
Youth in Motion is presenting its second national mentoring conference in Canada. This three-day, bilingual event will take place March 4-6, 2004 at the Toronto Marriott Eaton Centre. For additional information including costs, speakers, sessions, and accommodation, visit: www.mentorcanada.ca or call (416) 962-4946 ext. 2 or toll free: (866) 962-4946.
Diversity in Mentoring: The Annual Conference of the International Mentoring Association will take place April 15-17, 2004 at the Grand Hyatt Tampa Bay Hotel in Tampa, Florida. For additional information visit their website at www.mentoring-association.org or call (269) 387-4174; or fax: (269) 387-4189.
"I know that if I listen attentively to someone, to their essential self, their soul, as it were, I often find that at the deepest, most unconscious level, they can sense the direction of their own healing and wholeness."
WHAT'S NEW FROM MENTORING LITERATURE
Peer Resources continually scans the professional and popular published literature to find articles of interest to people involved in mentoring. Two of several hundred recent additions to the searchable, annotated bibliography at <http://www.mentors.ca/SearchB.html> are:
Haley, F. and Canabou, C. (October, 2003). Fast talk: The mentors' mentors. Fast Company, 75, 59+.
Five top leaders talk about their mentors and what they learned from them. Warren Bennis tells how his mentor helped him learn how to identify "the handful of people who make all the difference in your life." Tim Murphy (football coach at Harvard) believe his mentors taught him to be a mentor "in terms of how you live your life." Betsy Bernard, President of AT&T learned from her mentors that "a great leader truly believes that personal development is a never-ending journey. If you can help people embrace and love continuous development, then you are really making a difference in their lives and careers." Dee Hock, founder of VISA, believes that mentoring is "little more than one of those management popularities so beloved by consultants." He portrays mentoring as demeaning, unjust and hypocritical because a select few are chosen and attended to, when all should be so engaged. (RAC)
Sosik, J.J. and Godshalk, V.M. (2000) Leadership styles, mentoring functions received, and job-related stress: A conceptual model and preliminary study. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 21, 4, 365-390.
This research examined links between mentor leadership behaviors (laissez-faire, transactional contingent reward, and transformational), protege perception of mentoring functions received (career development and psycho-social support) and job-related stress of 204 mentor-protege dyads. Results showed that mentor transformational behavior was more positively related to mentoring functions received than transactional contingent reward behavior, while mentor laissez-faire behavior was negatively related to mentoring functions received. Both mentor transformational behavior and mentoring functions received were negatively related to protege job-related stress. The relationship between mentor transformational behavior and protege job-related stress was moderated by the level of mentoring functions received. (RAC)
"Many of life's circumstances are created by three basic choices: the disciplines you choose to keep, the people you choose to be with, and the laws you choose to obey."
~ Charles Millhuff ~
The Mentor News is provided free to subscribers every 45-60 days by Peer Resources. To become a member of the Peer Resources Network and receive a more comprehensive monthly publication as well as the only print magazine on coaching, visit www.mentors.ca/PRN.html or call 1.800.567.3700 in North America or 1.250.595.3503 outside of North America. To be removed from this mailing list send an email to <info@mentor.ca>.
All articles and information included in this newsletter have been prepared by Rey Carr and all copyrights are held by Peer Resources. To submit information or articles for possible inclusion in future issues, please send an email to mentornews@peer.ca.
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